Writing this I am officially 4 weeks postpartum. The past four weeks have somehow been the slowest and fastest of my life! But so far motherhood has been treating me well. That’s not to say there haven’t been challenging moments, but overall I think I’m having a good postpartum experience!
Today though, I wanted to share my birth story! I may end up making this in a video format at some point, but for now I wanted to write this while it’s still fresh in my mind. So not only is this for me to share with you all, but for me as well!
Let’s set the scene – it’s Wednesday, October 7th. I just had the worst night of sleep my entire pregnancy – about 3 hours – and I was scheduled for a 7:30am ultrasound. Because we did IVF I was technically marked as a “high-risk” pregnancy. Thankfully for me since I didn’t have gestation diabetes, high blood pressure, or really any other problems the only thing this meant is that I got extra ultrasounds. Which for us was such a treat! Starting at 36 weeks I was scheduled for weekly ultrasounds until I gave birth. This specific ultrasound was my 37 week ultrasound – technically taking place at 37w5d – so that Friday I would have been 38 weeks pregnant.
At my appointment I had noticed the tech was taking a little longer to measure my fluid levels. The baby was moving and her heart rate was normal, so I wasn’t concerned. But I did share a glance with Grant signaling to him that I sensed something was up.
My sister had low amniotic fluid with both of her pregnancies, and they ended up ending in emergency c-section. So needless to say that was definitely on my radar and a concern I had shared with my doctors. Thankfully since I had frequent ultrasounds, it was something being monitored!
The tech was super sweet and said “let me go check with the doctor on something!” When she left the room I looked at Grant… I think my body knew this was it! Sure enough, a few moments later we got a knock at the door and I heard the doctor outside of the door. He came in and said, “Your fluid is low, let’s go have a baby!”
The irony with all of this is that when I had scheduled my final two OB appointments I had told Grant that I wasn’t going to need them. He was confused by me saying that, but I told him I just felt like she was going to come early – and I was right! Of course the day this all took place I was so exhausted (I had planned to nap at home after the sonogram which was no longer an option), plus we had so much scheduled that day. My nail appointment, Grant’s hair appointment, and our grocery pick up order all had to wait!
I proceeded to be escorted to labor and delivery while Grant went to security to get signed in, he met me upstairs about 15min later. I was initially put in triage due to some confusion, but once Grant arrived I was walked to a L&D room. It was crazy to think that room was going to be where I would potentially have my baby!
While walking to the room we passed the nurses station, where a wave of relief came over me when I saw a mutual friend sitting behind the desk. I had been chatting with her on IG for months, knowing I would be delivering where she works. And if I was induced I was planning to get scheduled so she could be my nurse – but God had even better plans! Long story short she ended up being one of my main nurses that day, along with another nurse who I went to church with as a small child. As someone who has been terrified of birth my entire life, I felt like this was a major Godwink – having two people I knew and had a connection with the Lord there to help and take care of me. It made the whole process so much more pleasant.
Once I got hooked up to the monitors they could see I was contracting – but I couldn’t feel them. So they got my permission to try to soften my cervix with cervidil. Since my fluid levels were safe for baby and she was all good, we were able to take our time with intervention however I’d like.
I also should mention my birth plan (preferences for labor and delivery if you’re not familiar). My birth plan was for everyone to survive – whatever that had to look like for the health, safety, and mental sanity of everyone. And I wanted an epidural due to my vaginismus. Other than that I was planning to roll with the punches.
We attempted cervidil three times – once unmedicated, once with laughing gas, and once with a heavier IV drug (while it was supposed to relax me, it ended up giving me a panic attack). At this point it was probably only about 10:30am and I was in tears. They told me that they’d give me some time for the medication to wear off and then the doctor and I could chat about my next set of options.
At this point I was extremely defeated. Three attempts of cervidil, all extremely painful for me. Plus I was running on three hours of sleep. If I could’ve had Grant making choices for me just so I didn’t have to think – I would! But unfortunately that’s not how it works…
The doctor came back to chat with me. And I think God once again intervened and gave me the exact doctor I needed to be on call that day. While I loved all the doctors in my practice, the one that was on call that day is definitely the most straight forward. I ended up asking her professional opinion and she gave it to me – which I appreciated and needed! I was begging for someone to help me make the decision they thought was safest for me and baby.
At this point I had a few options:
1) Wait it out as long as baby and I stay stable (con: we could be here for days)
2) Get an epidural then insert cervidil (con: I’d be bedridden after getting epidural and cervidil takes 12 hours to work, then after that I’d still likely need pitocin – so we’re looking at 24hrs+)
3) C-Section
I took about a hour to really think through my options. But overall, I was pretty quick to decide what I wanted to do, which was a c-section. I came to this choice because my fear with waiting it out or the epidural/cervidil option was that something would change quickly since I was already low fluid and I’d end up in an emergency c-section. And while I have always been *terrified* of a c-section – an anticipated/scheduled one is much safer than an emergency once. Plus, running on three hours of sleep and already being exhausted I couldn’t imagine laboring for 24hrs or more!
So it was decided, I was going to have a c-section scheduled at 3:15pm. Until then I was just relaxing in my room, chatting with the nurses, my husband, and my mom. Pretty uneventful and boring to be honest.
At noon that day there was another c-section scheduled – twins! So I was supposed to be after them… Until another mom also having a set of twins started pushing with my doctor. Needless to say 3:15pm came and went. finally around 6pm it was my turn to head to the OR.
Childbirth has always been a fear of mine – whether it was vaginal or c-section. So this whole process I was extremely scared of – especially because you hear so many conflicting stories!
What makes a c-section even scarier is that your spouse/support person doesn’t walk back with you to the OR – they wait to bring them back until you’re medicated and numb. But once again, having a nurse and doctor I knew and trusted help that so much. My doctor held my hands and talked to me through my spinal tap, and once I was laid down I was crying but my nurse held my hand and assured me Grant would be there soon and it would all be okay.
From going into the OR to leaving the OR it took around a hour. So overall a quick process! And honestly the c-section itself wasn’t nearly as scary as I thought it would be. Don’t get me wrong, I did request anxiety meds and anti-nausea meds during it – but overall it went extremely well. I don’t regret my decision at all and I truly think it was best for baby and me and the situation at hand!
Online people talk about what they can or can’t feel during c-section and while they can’t feel pain they feel tugging and pulling. For me I mainly felt like my lower body was in an earthquake simulator – just vibrating/shaking. I’m not sure how else to describe it! I did get the normal side effects of shaking during and after birth – which can happen in any kind of delivery. I got to do skin-to-skin in the OR, and leave the OR holding her.
Blair Elizabeth was born at 6:34pm on October 7th – less than 12 hours after we enter my sonogram that morning. She was smaller than I’d ever imagined at 6lb 14oz and only 18 inches long. She is everything I’ve dreamed of and more!
While my birth didn’t go how I initially imagined, I believe it went how God planned it to go! I was so lucky to have a non-traumatic and smooth birth, which I know not everyone can say. After years of infertility and fertility treatment, I am so thrilled to have our baby in our arms! And I’d do it all over again for her.
We stayed in the hospital three nights – standard for a c-section at the hospital I delivered at. And honestly we had a fabulous experience. The staff was incredible – each nurse and doctor was so incredibly kind and made me feel heard. We joked when we went home that we would’ve stayed a week if they had let us!
As someone who was terrified of birth and the postpartum hospital stay – everything went even better than I could have imagined! I feel so blessed. I hope that for anyone else who may be reading this and is anxious for their birth and postpartum experience – this takes some of that anxiety away. It is possible to have a non-traumatic birth even if you have something like a high risk pregnancy and/or an unanticipated c-section.
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xoxo
Jayme
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